With Who vs. With Whom – Which is Correct?

The correct phrase in formal English is “with whom.” While “with who” is often heard in casual conversation, “whom” is the grammatically correct choice when it functions as the object of a preposition, such as “with.” This distinction is crucial for clear and precise communication, particularly in written contexts.

The broader grammatical principles governing this choice are essential for understanding the nuances of “Who” vs. “Whom” in English.

With Who or With Whom – Which is Correct?

The core difference between “with who” and “with whom” lies in the grammatical case of the pronoun. “Who” is a subjective pronoun, meaning it acts as the subject of a verb (e.g., Who is coming?). “Whom” is an objective pronoun, meaning it acts as the object of a verb or a preposition (e.g., To whom did you speak? or With whom are you going?). Since “with” is a preposition, the pronoun following it must be in the objective case, making “whom” the grammatically correct choice.

The Best Trick to Remember the Difference

To easily remember whether to use “who” or “whom,” try the “he/him” swap test. If you can replace the pronoun in question with “he” or “she,” then “who” is correct. If you can replace it with “him” or “her,” then “whom” is correct. This trick works because “he” and “she” are subjective pronouns, while “him” and “her” are objective pronouns.

For example, consider “With (who/whom) are you going?”

• Try “With he?” (Sounds incorrect)
• Try “With him?” (Sounds correct)

Since “him” fits, “whom” is the correct choice: “With whom are you going?”

Word	Part of Speech	Meaning	Example
Who	Interrogative/Relative Pronoun (Subjective Case)	Refers to a person acting as the subject of a verb.	Who wrote this letter?
Whom	Interrogative/Relative Pronoun (Objective Case)	Refers to a person acting as the object of a verb or preposition.	With whom did you speak?

How to Use With Whom

“With whom” is the grammatically preferred phrase in all formal and most written contexts. “Whom” serves as the object of the preposition “with.” Using “with whom” demonstrates a strong grasp of English grammar and adds a professional tone to your communication.

Example 1: The board members, with whom I discussed the proposal, were very receptive.

Example 2: To the client with whom we signed the contract, we offer our sincerest gratitude.

Example 3: She introduced me to the professor with whom she is collaborating on a research project.

Etymology of the word Whom

The word “whom” derives from Old English hwām, which was the dative case of hwā (meaning “who”). Over time, the dative case merged with the accusative case, both becoming the objective case in Modern English. This historical root explains why “whom” functions as the object form of “who.”

How to Use With Who

While “with who” is grammatically incorrect in standard English, it is widely used in informal spoken language. In casual conversation, many native speakers use “who” regardless of whether it should be in the subjective or objective case. However, in formal writing, academic papers, professional emails, or public speaking, “with who” should be avoided as it is considered an error.

Example 1 (Informal speech, technically incorrect): Who are you going with?

Example 2 (Informal speech, technically incorrect): With who did you decide to work on the assignment?

Example 3 (Correct use of “who” as a subject, not “with who”): Who wants to lead the next meeting?

Etymology of the word Who

The word “who” comes from the Old English hwā, which itself has roots in Proto-Germanic hwaz and Proto-Indo-European kʷos. It has always functioned as an interrogative and relative pronoun referring to persons, primarily in the subjective case.

Related Concepts

Understanding a few broader grammar concepts can further clarify when to use “who” versus “whom,” especially after prepositions.

• Case (Grammar): This refers to the form a noun or pronoun takes to indicate its grammatical function in a sentence. English has subjective case (for subjects, e.g., I, he, she, who) and objective case (for objects, e.g., me, him, her, whom).
• Prepositions: These are words (like with, to, for, from, by, about) that introduce a phrase and show the relationship between a noun or pronoun and other words in the sentence. The noun or pronoun that follows a preposition is always its object, thus requiring the objective case.
• Relative Pronouns: Words like who, whom, whose, which, that are used to introduce a dependent (or relative) clause, linking it to a noun or pronoun in the main clause. The choice between “who” and “whom” in a relative clause depends on its function within that specific clause.

Examples from Media and Literature

• From a formal letter: “To whom it may concern, I am writing regarding…”
• From literature: “He was a man with whom she could share her deepest secrets, a confidant unlike any other.”
• From a news report: “The delegate with whom the President met earlier today praised the bilateral discussions.”
• A common proverb: “Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.” (John Donne)
• In a casual movie dialogue: “Who are you going to the party with?” (demonstrates common informal usage of “who” in place of “whom”).

Practice Exercises

Choose the correct word to complete the sentence.

1. To (who/whom) did you send the invitation?
2. (Who/Whom) is responsible for this project?
3. She is the colleague (who/whom) I mentioned.
4. With (who/whom) did you travel during your vacation?
5. (Who/Whom) do you trust the most with your confidential information?

Answer Key

1. Whom
2. Who
3. Whom
4. Whom
5. Whom

Frequently Asked Questions

Question 1: Is “with who” ever grammatically correct?
No, in formal and standard English, “with who” is grammatically incorrect. The pronoun following a preposition like “with” must be in the objective case, which is “whom.”

Question 2: Can I always use “who” instead of “whom” in casual conversation?
While using “who” instead of “whom” is very common and generally accepted in informal spoken English, it is technically incorrect after prepositions. For written communication or formal speech, it’s best to adhere to the grammatical rule and use “whom.”

Question 3: What’s the easiest way to decide between “who” and “whom”?
The “he/him” test is the easiest method. If you can substitute “he” or “she” for the pronoun, use “who.” If you can substitute “him” or “her,” use “whom.” For “with,” you’d test “with him” (correct) versus “with he” (incorrect), leading to “with whom.”

Conclusion

The distinction between “with who” and “with whom” boils down to grammatical case. While “with who” is prevalent in informal speech, “with whom” is the only grammatically correct and formally accepted phrase, as “whom” serves as the object of the preposition “with.” Mastering this nuance elevates your command of the English language.

Pro Tip: Always opt for “with whom” in written communication and formal settings to maintain a professional and credible reputation.